Martha Stewart's Secret Tips For Living
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8. If you notice a guest using the "wrong" fork, pick up the
"right" fork and jam it into his head.
7. Heavily sedated pets make unusual centerpieces.
6. Add glitter to every darn thing you own.
5. Nothing spruces up a bathroom like potpourri & a stack of
wrestling magazines.
4. Old gym shorts stuffed with cat hair make great throw pillows.
3. You want livin'? Take a Big Mac, coat with butter, then refry it.
2. Household putty is an excellent way to fill embarrassing
gaps between teeth.
... and Martha Stewart's #1 secret tip for living:
1. To liven up a "black tie only" affair, wear only a black tie.