.After
I retired, my girlfriend insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my girlfriend is
like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear girlfriend received the following letter from our local Target.
Dear Ms. Sonnycalf,
Over
the past six months, your boyfriend has caused quite a commotion in our
store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against your boyfriend, Mr.
Breiner, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.
4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
obliged.
7. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me
alone?' EMTs were called.
8. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
9. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
10. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
13.
October 20: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
14.
October 21: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of
the clerks passed out
